Once I was married. We weren’t a perfect couple but he always made me shine. Wherever we went, he made me feel as if a light was shining on me.
Then he was gone and I found someone new. In many aspects he suits my taste better, but we are having problems. We have difficulty to accept our differences. We disagree a lot.
Today I had to go out. While waiting for a cab back home, I heard two friends talking. One of them clearly said: “I don’t know what to do. One thing is to love her, another thing is to be happy. We are constantly arguing. I love her but I cannot be happy and I don’t know what to do.” I was amazed. This man had just put in words my own problem.
I realized that my partner likes me but sometimes he cannot be happy. As soon as I saw him, I asked his forgiveness for all the moments I made him feel unhappy. He should have done the same. He just kept quiet. This is the unselfish part of me, the part that almost allows abuse and so on…
A little later I admitted that I feel the same. I like him, but most of the time I feel angry or unhappy. And when I asked myself why I don’t feel true happiness, I suddenly discovered that he doesn’t project a light that shine on me. Despite being born just one day before my husband, my actual partner is usually busy doing whatever pleases him and shinning a light over himself or over people he admires for having things that he doesn’t possess. The outcome of such relationship is an immense solitude, as he already experienced before.
I don’t know what he expects from me. It seems that after the initial interest the only thing he wants is to be left alone. He has no idea of what I expect from him. I just know that many times I am not getting what I need. We have half and half responsibility in this relationship. As long as we don’t realize it, we will have problems. I cannot make him happy when he is so far from making me happy. Probably I have to say that this “project” was his idea from the start. By nature I am someone who reflects the other.