My Vertigo-I


Recently, I’ve come across with one of those sentences always saying the same right immutable things: the secret of winning people is under-emphasizing the pronoun “I”. Sometimes I try to follow this wise advice, I truly do. Outside my self-world, I mostly talk about seven divers, traveling and politics – though Paul doesn’t like my political side. (Too independent for his tastes?) Instead, he likes when I write about the sea. But such stories are limited and I’ve been too urban to live them, or even to evoke them. After all, this is also a personal diary.


So I return to my giddiness, something happening to me since early February and still taking central stage in my life. It is impossible to remember when my first dizziness happened, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I could confirm it started on the Ilha, the day I lost contact with people I cared for. It was by then when the night terrors and nightmares started.


The danger of giddiness is fainting. I remember clearly that the first time it happened I had been for too long in the swimming pool. The next morning I lost all my senses, falling hard on the kitchen floor while drinking a glass of water. I still remember how my sister saved me from staying for too long in that kind of strange sleep.


During my twenties I had to carry with me big round tablets to chew, after falling into a spectacular swoon inside a moving train. The dizziness was particularly difficult during pregnancy. Since then I don’t recall further problems of the same sort.


It is now over a month that I suffer from the same dizzy spells. At first it looked like a bad case of low blood pressure. But now the blood pressure is fine and the dizziness continues. I learned with Paul, always reading about medical subjects, that giddiness is a women thing. Men seldom suffer from them. I was almost decided to accept this dizziness as part of my femininity, when something worst happened. One very fine Friday morning, when I was getting ready for my tae bo lesson, I lost my sight and only avoid the fall because I could grip a working desk near me. Despite the scare, I regained my strength and went to the lesson.