Relationships can be confusing. Love shouldn’t hurt. They say some women become addicted to suffering and cannot live without him/her and that pain her/his partner is capable of providing. Eek!
It seems that the abused part has to clearly state what is acceptable and not, and, if not heard, just leave. Accordingly to the charts, there are two common types of abusers: 1) Sex addicted – someone who doesn’t want to know about you or to have a decent conversation, if you know what I mean. He always talks about “duties fulfillment” and all he wants is to see you naked very fast. 2) The physical and emotional abuser – people who alienate you from family and friends, to control you and break your body and your spirit to the point that you start to believe that you deserve what you get.
Specialists say that abused people know that they are abused and feel bad, but they keep trying to make his/her partner love him/her, something the same specialists relate with past traumas and losses.
You cannot change your partner. Maybe you can change small things, forgetting the fundamental. The desire to make him better only leads to dysfunction and dependency.
It really looks like there’s no in-between: or you have a healthy relationship or a troubled one.