Signs

Before my life took a definitive turn towards the unknown (tabula rasa is the expression always playing in my mind), I started receiving signs of change. I refused to read them, even when I was actually reading them, so I paid for it in terms of time, stress and wellbeing. I went down because I wanted to believe that in a particular aspect I was up.

I am too proud and happy with my own self to believe in other’s shadows and I still don’t. If I believed in shadows, I would stop believing in myself and I just cannot do that. Maybe one day I shall be forced to. Not now. Not in this particular situation. I look objectively at it and I feel very calm and sometimes happy. If there’s no say telling “The third time hits harder”, I’ve just invented it.

Sometimes I would like to talk with someone who knows about signs, because it is disturbing for me to deal with things that I don’t want to believe or acknowledge, and circumstances force me to. I ignore them, but they keep repeating over and over until I am forced to admit: “Okay. Something is about to happen.”

I never ever stained pyjamas (underlining never ever), but suddenly two pyjamas bottoms of mine, bought when I believed that the word change didn’t exist, appeared with 3 stains each. The first 10 days ago, and the second nearly a week ago. “That’s a coincidence,” you may say. And I add: “Yes, it could be a coincidence…”

But coincidences are facts waiting to happen (I believe some author I read says something like this), and some coincidences are signs of facts about to happen. Still not convinced? Then I shall tell you that it was a 3 sign message that changed me forever. I was in a situation, thinking that such messages had some meaning, some transcendental value, but finally I understood what they really represent. Nothing. Thus change. And change in this case is a good thing.

I always thought it could happen. I even felt it was already happening, at least for me. But I wasn’t expecting a change like that. No turning back. No sorrow. I pass. Not interested. Decided to act. Wisely. Firmly.

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