Learning Not to Trust
Who would have said that Maputo is now a very exciting place to be? There are constructions everywhere and a sort of excitement is difficult to miss. Right now we say goodbye to one of the mildest winters I can remember. Therefore, I’ve been feeling like reorganizing my closet for the fast coming summer but… an unexpected cold night happens and I pass the job for the next opportunity. Most probably I’ll do it right before my summer shopping, so that I am in the position to know my real needs.
This winter I wasn’t very fashion inspired. I am not surprised to read about people tired of the latest trends. I felt inclined towards colors like saffron, olive green, the eternal black and, above all, all sort of greys. The bright colors dominating the bottom parts (shoes and tights) navigated to cardigans and outwear in general, complementing the dark, plain colors of the rest. As for materials, if I could I wouldn’t have selected any other than flannels. Unfortunately, due to our warm climate, I only have two items to tell. I am curious to see if I am ahead of trends or behind them… Just like we have a very long summer, the north has a long winter and, consequently, the trends come and go during the same season.
I suppose I am recovering from a very bad deception, thankfully with nothing to do with the heart. Sometimes I want things to be perfect and they aren’t. I easily enter in depression because of disappointment related with my own self-expectations. I’ll always remember 2012 as the year I learned, once and for all, that people don’t pay attention to our words and needs. Even when they look like they are getting our idea perfectly, they aren’t. They cannot imagine how they upset others by completely missing the point. And if 2012 was the year to learn such lesson, 2013 has been the year to learn how to live with such conclusion. It cost me more than 9 months to recognize my depression, just because I’ve been forced to live with the mistakes of others. Not trusting people in general is something I was thought, but, let me confess, I’ve never been good at it. At this moment I am stepping out of the unpleasant place where I’ve been. And even though I am not sure how I’ll react to similar situations in the future, I am decided to do my best to avoid them.
I hit the bottom and I have no other place to go but recovering and trying to do positive things. I feel like reading, writing and going out again. While the ballet classes don’t happen, I decided to join a group doing a mélange of dances known as zumba. Being hip-conscious, I am terribly shy about Latino dances. Still… I love the teacher and her determination to put a smile in our faces during the entire class. There are passages of the class completely obnoxious to me, namely the belly thing and the Indian movements with that smile you certainly know. The warming is okay and the rest is too fast to memorize. My Zumba colleagues say that they felt the same at the beginning and then they learned. Despite being the sort of class I wouldn’t pick for myself, at least the teacher is Mozambican and she is going nowhere when I start to feel more confident. I am truly tired of depending on teachers that go away after a few months with us.
I tried and decided to stay because of the smiling being such an important part of the routine. The second class I found myself smiling, either because of my clumsiness or because smiling is contagious. If the ballet restarts, it’s going to be hard to pursue every active thing that I want: the morning routine that I still keep, ballet, zumba and walking from time to time. Still, and with a smile, I am decided to try…