Before I left my parents’ house I already had someone waiting for me. It wasn’t planned or particularly desired. There are things we cannot explain. They just happen. At 18 and 8 months I depended on my father and mother. From my 18 and 8 months on I started to depend on my boyfriend. I have a rebellious temperament. I tried to shake things up without success. Somehow I assumed that I couldn’t survive without the protection of someone.
No wonder I am kind of enjoying this new selfness. Pass the first weeks of pain and distress I started to feel much better. I’m learning that I can be self-sufficient. I have a contingency plan for almost every unexpected situation. If I can’t solve it by myself, what other options are available?
The previous weekend I wanted to go out and they all had plans of their own. That didn’t stop me. I had a solitary lunch in the park, read and enjoyed a bit of a very shy sun. I walked to Polana Hotel, where people asked me about Paul. People keep asking where he is. Paul was someone always going places. Maybe because of that, I remember him more when I go out. I forgot his voice but I remember well his figure, his gestures and his personality. I’ve been too busy to think about past and future. Once or twice I wondered if there’s a second chance waiting for me. It’s not that I am in a hurry. It’s our human nature. The appeal of life is far stronger than any other.