Even though I am with someone, most of the time I feel absolutely alone. This is a fact, not a complaint. To be more precise, I like to have time for me and that only happens when I am alone.
Given the opportunity, I usually opt for alone. I ask myself why on earth should I be with someone, since I am like that? The first aspect I have to have in mind is the nice guy I think he is. If he is not, he must be the best con artist ever created. Still, I suspect that after the first phase comes another one I don’t like. I guess I’m never prepared or interested in the next phase…
Even nice guys have moments. Do things. Use words. I don’t know how it happens. It’s like cutting an umbilical cord. Suddenly, I realize that nothing is forever. I look back and I count how many days, weeks or months I believed. It never lasts a year. I easily return to my usual lonely self.
I can even “pretend” that I believe, but I can only believe once. From the moment I know to be alone, something I keep for myself and for posts I hope no one ever reads, I am a potential cheater.
Many people in my family betrayed their spouses. They never divorced, but they weren’t happy or faithful. I don’t know their reasons. I just know I am glad to know my own.