Why?


 

Very close to my birthday, I found myself thinking about old friends. By circumstances that have to do with my character and others that have more to do with my personal history, I am kind of alone.

One thing I have discovered is that most people have friendships that have to do with family relationships. They are family friends, often made through parents, siblings, uncles and other family members. I do not have such kind of friends (nor school friends), because we lived in too many places and my father always stayed away from relatives and his hometown.

I can say that my father was nomad and my mother, who liked to settle anchors and cultivate friendships, was sedentary. Looking back, she only managed to have a period in her own way when, for about eight years, she lived apart from my father. This allowed us to make friendships that later, due to a new interference of my father in our life, were lost in time.

It is curious how, on my birthday, I remembered one of these friends, made through family ties. She had a queen’s name and the beauty of a goddess. Her eyes were the most perfect green and her long hair was always caught in two thick braids that resembled a medieval lady. I think it was a tradition, in her family, to just cut their hair when they got a great deal in life, like going to college, getting a good job, or getting married.

She was not one of my best friends, but we were pretty close. I think she even cut her hair and did many of the things she dreamed about. The last time I heard of her I knew she had committed suicide. She had a husband and teenage children. At a time when I face gigantic difficulties, I look at the case of some friends who committed suicide and I cannot understand. Their cases have nothing to do with money or personal success, whether family or career. What would have happened to those few good friends who grew tired of living? By the time I celebrated my birthday, facing so many problems that could bring me down, I can not help asking this question: why?

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What Men Want


 

Paraphrasing the movie “What Women Want”, I think I’ve figured out what men really want. My conundrum is based on real cases that I observed:

Case 1: Young man left a nice girlfriend and explained: “I want to go to parties, drink and enjoy life. She would never understand”. A little while later, he began to date someone less serious and much more sympathetic to partying habits.

Case 2: Middle age and divorced. When I asked him why he preferred to be alone, he answered me with certainty: “It is not that I lack women. I want to do my life without them always coming to me with reproaches.”

Case 3: Middle age, after ending a relationship due to communication problems. What are these problems? “We do not know how to communicate or overcome our differences.” I asked him what he expected from a relationship. That she would leave him alone? From his smile I saw that I had hit it.

Case 4: Almost in his seventies. He was able to lie, to hurt, to almost destroy a relationship that they are fully aware of being a gift from the heavens. What is wrong with him? He does not prioritize anything that women think is decisive in a relationship: attention, gentleness, intimacy, romance, and the like. What does he prioritizes? He prioritizes that the woman next to him is tolerant towards the space he needs, to his moments of bad mood, to his addictions, to his routines, to his inattention to her and to their relationship, to his absences, to his forgetfulness…

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I thought I should say what I feel about what men want. It is not that women do not want tolerance from their partners. Of course, they do. It is important that they be understanding about our culinary failures, our veins in the legs, our extra pounds, our bad hair days and a lot more. The difference is that for us this tolerance does not seem to be so absolutely decisive for the success of the relationship.

African Rain


 

Summer here has some breaks when we least expect it. Rain is a blessing, especially when there are areas of Africa where water is scarce: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/30/world/africa/cape-town-day-zero.html

This weekend is going to be rain. It is not possible to make many plans. It is a disappointment and a concern. The concern is because the rain is often punishing and comes associated with storms. Let’s hope the rain announced for tomorrow is the friendly kind.

Summer Photos


 

I choose from the summer photos two or three as my favorites. In 2015 I was in Ibiza. In 2016 and 2017 in Inhambane, a more natural Ibiza.

Because today I did not want to write much, I decided to publish two photos as a souvenir of our 2017 vacation. There is also the instability of the weather and the visible signs of global warming, but this subject is much more complicated to address. Photos are a good way to remember, even when memories could be so much better…

Best of January 2018


 

Water
I hope the movie “The Shape of Water” has the recognition it deserves. This world has too many secrets and people using such secrets to manipulate us, to use us, to achieve their interests and do whatever they want. Those people are sure that they played the right card and that is not always the case…

There are two other reasons for me to talk about this movie:

– who the ugly one loves, handsome it seems to him (“Quem o feio ama, bonito lhe parece”, as we say in Portuguese) but the ugliness of heart does not enter into this equation!;

– finally, the recognition that there are beings (even humans) who are aquatic and their need for water that is becoming scarce.

Let us see how all this is recognized by people not always attentive to the most subtle details.

Tofo, Version 2018


 

Because the truth is to be told, I did not enjoy my recent stay in Inhambane. So that the reasons are not forgotten:

– the weather left much to be desired;
– I was not well treated or loved (neither then nor now).

These causes are a simplification of many things that have happened. He broke the chain and shows the usual inability to repair it. In his manual, what comes next is a separation followed by the false idea of forgiveness and restart. From so much use, the page is unreadable. It has no answers. And so I am in the position of giving what he likes to give in terms of feelings: little or nothing.

What matters is that I was am not happy. I feel strong and well, because the beach always leaves me like this. Otherwise, I just try to forget and go on…

Best of 2017


 

Knowledge and Learning
In a previous life I was married. My children and I were the main thing in my husband’s mind. I think that’s the norm, even in marriages where relationships are not perfect.

Now I’m fourth or even fifth place. I am second to smoking, relatives, friends and professional activity. I knew it almost from the start. The best of 2017 was to discover why. Mental blindness is not my cup of tea. I will have to assimilate the reality or give up.